happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
