You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
