A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
