He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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