Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
