Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
