this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
