I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
