He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love having hate sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
