i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
