Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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