no, he came in my armpit
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
