What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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