Are we in a gay sports bar?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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