He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
