I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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