Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
