I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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