I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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