I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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