I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
