no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
