just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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