I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
