Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
