tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
