He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
