If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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