i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
