The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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