I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I met the friendliest cop last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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