i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
