I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
