ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
