I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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