I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
