I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
