for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
