the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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