There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
