Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
