i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
