i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
