In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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