Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
