Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
