I wish my penis had an off switch
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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