Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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