I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
