I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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